A duck walks into a bar and asks: “Got any Bread?”
Barman says: “No.”
Duck says: “Got any bread?”
Barman says: “No.”
Duck says: “Got any bread?”
Barman says: “No, we have no bread.”
Duck says: “Got any bread?”
Barman says: “No, we haven’t got any bread!”
Duck says: “Got any bread?”
Barman says: “No, are you deaf?! We haven’t got any bread, and if you ask me again and I’ll nail your f ***ing beak to the bar you annoying f***ing duck!”
Duck says: “Got any nails?”
Barman says: “No”
Duck says: “Got any bread?
I always think of this duck joke every time I pull more fresh loaves from the oven or when I see a family of wild wood ducks taking a fancy to our swimming pool. Both trigger a “Got any Bread” moment, but with entirely different emotions. At least it’s a lot better than the typically imbecilic jokes contained in Christmas bon bons. Who writes these Christmas jokes and why do we feel so compelled to read them aloud?
Today’s festive olive bread is a super easy yeasted bread bound to stay moist. While dark looking and rustic in appearance, due to the olives, rosemary and olive oil worked into the dough at the first kneading stage, it is still a light bread. The recipe comes from Maggie’s Table.* I like the simplicity of this version, especially when time is precious at Christmas. You can make these lovely loaves in less than two hours with lots of resting time in between to indulge in a Christmas drop or two.
Olive and Rosemary Bread/ Pane con Rosmarino e Olive
15 g or 1 ½ teaspoons dried yeast
1 teaspoon castor sugar
300 ml warm water
500 g unbleached strong flour (bakers flour)
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 cup freshly chopped rosemary
190 g pitted kalamata olives
Combine yeast, sugar, and warm water in the mixing bowl of a stand mixer. Leave for 5 minutes. Then add the flour, salt, rosemary and olives. Mix with the paddle till the dough comes together, then swap to a dough hook ad mix for a few minutes. Turn the dough out onto a floured work surface and knead gently for another five minutes. The dough is meant to be quite moist and sticky, however you may need to add a little extra flour along the way. Turn into a clean and lightly oiled bowl and brush the top with a little olive oil. Cover the bowl and leave until doubled in size ( about 1 hour).
Divide the mixture into two portions and shape into loaves. Brush a baking tray with olive oil and leave the loaves to rise, covered, on the oiled tray for a further 20 minutes. Meanwhile heat the oven to 220c FF. Bake the loaves for 20 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 180c and bake for a further 20 minutes. Cool on a wire rack before cutting. Makes two loaves, one for me and one for the freezer.
*Maggie Beer, Maggie’s Table, Penguin 2005. Gifted to me by the Richard’s family after the fire. Thanks Christine and Peter.
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