The day had been planned for months, the invitations printed and sent out with plenty of notice. The venue had been chosen and booked long before, and decorated by Barnadi on the day with long-stemmed, exotic flowers. An old warehouse near the then emerging Docklands precinct of Melbourne, it edged the sea, allowing cool breezes to enter the wooden, cavernous space. The catering was chosen carefully, the cake ordered and delivered. A wedding reception was to be held with all the usual trimmings. Friends and family had flown in from the UK, Australian friends returned from their beach holidays to don frocks and finery for the occasion. The children were excited about being invited to attend such a big wedding reception.
Barnadi and Adam’s wedding reception was held 10 years ago today in Melbourne, followed by a civil wedding service in Bath, Britain. It was a double wedding celebration as the couple had friends in both countries. Adam’s sisters were bridesmaids, his friends were best men, and I became best man/woman/Mother of the Groom to Barnadi. Adam’s elderly, courteous and gentle father, Ray, flew in for the occasion, and naturally, was supportive of this union of two men in love, as we all were and are.
It was a traditional wedding in every sense of the word. The grooms wore immaculate matching suits and ties, with flowered lapels. After the service, the cake was cut followed by the groomal waltz. Speeches were made, and the usual dirty jokes read out, some involving rings, bringing mirth to the assembled witnesses and friends. Kids danced with their parents and too much champagne was drunk.
Despite the lack of legal recognition in Australia and Britain at the time, they celebrated their commitment to each other with a beautiful wedding, a public demonstration of their love, which is, at least for the non- religious among us, all that a wedding, gay or straight, should be. It should also be legally recognised. I was hoping in my heart that by today, we would be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary in a special way, and that this country would have finally put an end to marriage inequality. We would then have another good reason to party into the night with this loving couple. Despite Australia’s tardiness in getting its act together, those who know Barnadi and Adam, recognise their true marriage and rejoice in their love.
Last count, same-sex marriage is legal in these countries:
The Netherlands (2000), Belgium (2003), Canada (2005), Spain (2005), South Africa (2006), Norway (2009), Sweden (2009), Argentina (2010), Iceland (2010),Portugal (2010), Denmark (2012), Brazil (2013),England and Wales (2013), France (2013), New Zealand (2013), Uruguay (2013), Luxembourg (2014),Scotland (2014), Finland: (signed 2015, effective 2017), Ireland: (2015),USA, ( 2015)
ALMOST ITALIAN 
It’s sad that the LGBT community is still fighting for something as simple as legal marriage rights. It’s about time governments put their sexuality biases behind them.
It’s even worse in Jamaica, where it often becomes a matter of life and death. You might want to see this: https://alexischateau.com/2016/08/19/the-dark-side-of-paradise/
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Thanks Alexis for that link, a truly moving story.
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You’re welcome Francesca. Thanks for reading.
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Many believe these to be enlightened times, but sadly the church and other institutions and those that they hold in their sway still hold to a dogma more fitting for the Middle Ages. Fortunately love wins…
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Incredible that medieval thinking still holds sway in Australia: I can only think of one prominent leader, our ex PM, who has had a major influence in this matter. If only Malcolm were stronger, and stood up for the principles he believes in, and in so doing, went down in flames, it would be a happy day. History books may thank him too.
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This is both beautiful and sad, Francesca. Happy 10th anniversary to them!
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Yes Loisajay, true.
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I can’t believe we are behind the USA in this matter as they are usually so slow to change anything at all. I am pleased that Barnadi and Adam didn’t let our rules stop them and went overseas for their rights. Love the photos.
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This wedding occurred long before same sex marriage was legalised in Britain. They went over their for a civil wedding service, and to celebrate with their British friends.
Yes, it is amazing that Australia is behind the US in this matter.
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It’s the dithering pollies in charge that’s the problem. They don’t know themselves how to go about it!
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Dithering or just too afraid to bite the bullet.
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Heartfelt Happy Anniversary to Barnardi & Adam. Ten years for any couple, married, unmarried but happily together is a milestone & achievement. The G.O. & I felt we had to marry legally to have what was to us an already a prefectly good longstanding relationship legitimised. It’s unfair that we had to and they can’t if they choose to.
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None of my kids have chosen to marry- their legal rights are protected under the law, as are those of Barnadi and Adam in Australia- inheritance rights, recognition of a common law relationship when separating and all that that entails, rights to the partner’s superannuation on death, and so on. In Italy, de facto relationships do not have any of these rights. Some argue that marriage is an outmoded concept, so why bother with it. Many who argue this way are married. When you don’t have that right, of course you would fight for it.
I’ll pass on your regards to the couple, Dale, when I dine with them in style tonight.
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Italy is a very Catholic country and they will do everything to make people marry to keep it that way. I would hate to live there personally because of this oppression. At least in Australia two people splitting up have equal rights. Having said that Italy is a great place to visit.
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Italy is very traditional but I wouldn’t call this oppressive. Yes, it is a great place to visit.
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A beautiful couple, a beautiful post. I’m one of those “I just don’t get what the big damn deal is” people. Too many rules, too much governing, too many unwarranted opinions, way too much judgement.
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#letloverule
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Apparently Australia does not have enough love and what really irks me is that every yobbo and oik in Australia is going to be given the right- at great financial expense – to say whether or not other people in our country can have the same right to get married as they do. I find that such an insulting concept and I do not believe that any of us has the right to speculate/dwell upon/pronounce upon on what other people do in their bedrooms! I feel so disappointed in Malcolm Turnbull’s ‘leadership’ – I felt so excited when he talked about his vision for Australia as an innovative, agile, etc, etc country, but really it has just been politics as usual and the business of Government hanging on to power and the Opposition doing all they can to destabilise Government so they can get into power. It will give rise to the likes of Pauline Hanson and a Senate full of nut jobs. Right, that’s me done – I’m off to stand under a cold shower – in reality it’s a tepid shower because I live in Brisbane and it’s miserably hot – but I’m still thankful:)
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You said it all Jan, we are in a mess with our politicians. We owe so much money they had better get their act together real fast instead of doing what they have to do just to stay in power. Opposing each other just for the sake of opposing is just dithering around the edges . We badly need a strong leader to take action and maybe even sactifice himself to save this country – someone like Derryn Hinch?
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Great contribution to the discussion again Jan. Our political situation is a joke. Nutters in the Senate have far too much sway, while our Prime Minister is too weak to stand up for the things he claimed to have believed in, for fear of the loony right wing in his own party.
How long must the LGBT community wait for common sense to prevail. It’s just not fair.
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My daughter and her wife made their 10 year union official last February. I had been calling Josie my daughter-in-law long before the civil ceremony and she became one of our family from the first moment we met. We love her dearly. Even though in Canada gay marriage has been legal since 2005 I think Andrea and Josie waited because Josie’s father didn’t want to hear the words that his youngest daughter is gay. Ironically he loved our daughter and accepted her into his home. Josie’s parents didn’t attend their wedding and my father didn’t either. Unfortunately there are still people in the world that can’t accept gay couples getting married. It makes me sad, especially when some of them are family members.
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A toast to the newly weds, Andrea and Josie. what a shame some of the family chose not to be present. Sad really.
One of our most valued and esteemed Federal Senators in Australia, Penny Wong, is our Australian role model for Lesbians in public office. I don’t know why our laws don’t yet reflect the views of the Australian public.
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I think everyone above has written most of my sentiments on the LGBT situation. We have neither encouraged or discouraged our daughter and her (now) fiancé to marry because we really just want them to be happy. But as others have said, easier for us to feel that way since we have the luxury of choice. I’m just finishing a book about the Great Migration between 1915-1975 in the US and am now looking at everything governments touch with eyes from which the scales have fallen. The blacks in the south of the US were not allowed to do anything which made them feel like human beings and it only made them want it all the more, and even then the government allowed disgraceful things to happen (and still happening). I really don’t understand what everyone is so afraid of. Very best wishes to Barnadi and Adam.
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Sounds like a great book. I don’t think so many people are afraid of these changes in Australia. Our current political leaders are afraid of losing the support of the right wing of their own party, this losing power.
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Why can’t we just pass the laws to allow gay marriage and move on…it is time.
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Here here Debra. Most of us think the same way. Let’s just get on with it.
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A subject very close to my heart. My boy breaks his heart at weddings just thinking that he is denied the opportunity to choose or not. I’m tearing up now so no more to be said.
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We are all waiting and waiting for this change to come. If only it hadn’t become a political hot potato. I feel for your son.
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Hi Francesca, it is embarrassing to be Australian sometimes.
Why should my (and Adam and Barnadi’s) right to get married be the subject of a public opinion poll? The very thought of it was humiliating. The rest of the public can choose for themselves. I was so proud of the Labor Party when they blocked the bill. It is the first time in my life I have written, and got friends to write, to politicians asking them to do (or in this case, block) something. It is the job of politicians to pass laws. They did it easily enough to recognise same sex relationships in tax and Social Security when they realised recognition saved them money.
BTW Malcolm is a joke. I am so disappointed in him.
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It is an embarrassment indeed, and I am also proud of the Labour Party for their stand. Malcolm is just so weak- a shame really.
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It is very sad .. happy 10th anniversary to them! Love the crooked cake .. hugs
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Thanks Julie. Sad and Happy. We celebrated their wedding anniversary at Rrosetta’s in Crown. They are a happy couple, complete with big dog, small cat and suburban house.
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Love Rosettas 😄
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A very happy 10th anniversary to a beautiful couple!
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Obv. True !!!
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